Tuesday, 10 February 2009

Winning but AFRAID

As mentioned in the previous post I won two tournaments in 2 days.My bankroll is standing at £609 (+ rake back due),after making an initial deposit of £50 on saturday.

So many times in the past I have made a quick £400-500 only to lose it just as quick.The downslide normally starts with me moving upto $200 nlh with only 5 buyins : $25nlh begins to feel like peanuts.I may initially win more,but I get 'married' to my new increased bankroll,and cannot psychologically deal with any slight downswing.I begin to chase losses with ,what can only be described as, a drug fueled urgency.

I then get punched flat in the nose by the reality of going broke (usually at 4am).Little sleep for the night ,before dragging myself out of bed at 8am feeling like shit.

The week that follows going bust is like that of a drug addict getting together as much money as possible to feed his addiction.I start to neglect my duties and responsobilities and become very unsociable.

OK, I won't continue with the misery ....
you can now understand why I feel so anxious about starting my next session of poker -some deep psychological scars

Anyways I hope things change.This honest blog post is,I hope,indicative of my readiness to change.


Gavin said...

Don't mean to state the bleedin obvious but you have won £550 in a couple of days and know exactly where one of your main leaks is.
The winning poker players (and I don't count myself as one of them) take note of their leaks, address them and improve their game.
As you say yourself you are producing a truthful blog so I suggest you read the last half of your post before you play again.
As I said I am stating the obvious but it would just seem pointless to have to start all over again because of a lack of bankroll management.
Cheers and gl

L4Y SP said...

I know EXACTLY where you are coming from . Have been there so many times myself . I haven't yet worked out how to break the cycle . GOOD LUCK .L4

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