We shall resist

the poker bug is getting stronger by the day.I do not know for how long i can resist it.

After a complete break from all things poker,I have recently been checking out blogs and forums.Reading about the success of others has made me realise why I fell in love with poker in the first place.It was the academic and strategic aspects of poker that seduced me.Trying to stay calm and controlling my emotions added to this orgasmic intellectual stimulation.

Why did it all go wrong?

DAMN-i thought my brain was all clear and rationally thinking again.It isn't.foooook ..I ain't ready to come back yet.

'we shall resist..............................
........................................................' W.CHURCHILL

preparation

I have been catching up with a few of my favourite poker blogs today.It's amazing how quickly poker takes hold of me.Immediately excitement sets in,anticipation grows and adrenaline starts to pump.All this despite me having no intention of playing poker for a while.
This has made me realise that i need to prepare for my return.I MUST REMEMBER THAT I WAS A LOSING PLAYER.What changes do i need to make?I think i should start with buying a few books, and studying, concepts and strategies.
-watch succesfull players

Still around

QUICK UPDATE

I am not down and out.

Just putting my energy into my business,and towards creating a more balanced and happy life.My confidence is growing,and my character and personality is beginning to blossom.At this stage,I cannot risk being consumed by poker again.
Depending on how things go,I will probably return to the felt in 4-8 weeks.

Hope 'Joppa' and 'Would be' are doing good.

the recovery begins

The soul searching that was brought on by getting busted..........

-I have joined a local book/social club.Actually I joined about a year ago,but never bothered attending any meetings ,or followed their reading suggestions.
'The marvelous life of Edgar Mint', is the book that will be discussed for the next month.I will purchase it on Friday,when I will be in the city centre taking my daughter to the cinema.
Often I have read a great book and not been able to discuss it with anyone in my current social network -I tell you this is very very annoying.Reading,educating and learning is not something that is appreciated by anyone I know -atleast no efforts are made anyway.

It will be a few days yet before I recover from the last few days' stressfull events.My brain is in no state to partake in any intellectual activity.Looking back,I have only ever had time for reading,when I have been in a happy stage of life.

As for poker.....
£20-£30 rakeback due for next week.I will probably deposit £50 on friday/sat.
No plans.No targets.
I'll see how the initial stages of adding abit of balance to my life will effect(or affect) my poker.

BUSTO

As the title suggests I have busted my roll.For my own benefit I will give an explanation-something I hope will help me for the future.

Even though I have had more than a week of consecutive winning days,I have been feeling slightly depressed for the last few days.Winning at the poker table has not filled any vacuum in my miserable life.I must point out that I realised this a few days ago,before I actually busted.

So for the last couple of days playing poker as just been something to do.I haven't really pursued any of my interest in the las few years ,and partake in no hobbies or activities.Poker just fills up the hours.

I busted my roll playing $200plo.Playing at this limit,I loved the excitement,the risk of going bust,the adrenaline flowing -hands shaking,heart beating....waiting to see the next card drop.Did I win ........ did I lose. THIS IS SO MUCH FUN

.......but what is this fun a replacement for? This is the crux of the matter.

What good has come from this last episode then?

Well,I have learnt that I can play winning poker.The prerequisite for continued winning poker is a happy balanced life.This is where my effort and energies are more urgently needed.Frankly,playing winning poker is no longer my ambition in life.I have other ambitions to pursue.I better get started on them.



...the poker will continue by the way

lucky

Having withdrawn £400 I left myself with a roll of £530
I have got to admit to myself that I have been playing badly all day today.I guess that when I get good results, higher expectancy levels coupled with greed, leads to bad play.This is something I need to overcome.
I have been playing a very loose aggressive style on 4 tables of £50nlh.Again I need to accept that 4 tabling is not yet within my scope -in future i will stick to 3 tabling.
Fortunately I sucked out in one pot(£112) to leave me with a role of £457.£73 down for the day,but it could have been worse.I basically reraised allin with flush & gutshot draw against pp QQ.Putting villain on AK, I was lucky to catch the gutshot on the river.

Probably one more torny tonight.I am not in the right frame of mind to play good tonight.

bankroll £457 (£400 withdrawn)

abit later........

Entered 1 mtt,and got my buyin back.Some winnings at $100nlh to take roll to
£517

down but not out

Just had a bad session of play.4 tabled $50 nlh and have lost £80 over a 90 minute period.The 'chase' mentality was starting to set enough,and I was not enjoying the game.Fortunately I have managed to drag myself away from the tables.I will have a break now and return later in the evening, when I am a bit more refreshed.
I cannot really multitable 4 tables that well.My PC is infected with so much shite;it is currently running in 'safe mode',which does not allow any sound.This is very awkward,as i miss out on audial prompts.I think i need a new PC.

Looking forward to play in the £2.5k added mtt,with a buyin of £25.Got a good feeling about this one.I better get a nourishing meal in me before it starts at 6pm.